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FAQ - How Can I Approach My Partner and Tell Them I Have Been Faking My Orgasms?

Many women habitually fake orgasms and it can really be harmful to a relationship. Women don't fake orgasms to make them selves happy. Women shouldn't go through life suffering an un-rewarding sexual life. The problem is how to approach the subject with a partner that you have been faking orgasms on a regular basis?

It may be a little daunting to first approach this subject with your partner. You are in effect rewriting the sexual terms of engagement. All I can say is that although this may be a frightening thought this endeavour into the unknown can be absolutely thrilling.

The initial response of a partner when they discover their lover has been habitually faking is that they have to come to terms with this fact. Then completely overhaul his or hers reality. It is a big hit to their ego due to the fact that they were of the belief that they had been taking part in shared meaningful experiences and now understand that this wasn't really the case.

The really important thing to remember is that being truthful sexually to a partner and they being truthful with you will lead to mutual respect. This admiration will extend well beyond the bedroom. It will lead to deeper more emotional communication which in turn leads to a stronger and more resilient relationship.

Now I would never suggest that you just come straight out and say that "Hey I have been faking all this time" or just stop faking immediately and suddenly becoming impervious to his/her sexual charms. Instead just ask your partner how they feel about sex and if he/she would like to try anything new. The response will in a lot of instances be that the partner is glad to hear your feelings about sex. You can then perhaps admit you'd prefer things done differently and then tell them that you might not always orgasm.

I had another email from a regular reader Jennifer who had never had reached orgasm with her partner of five years Frank. We had some correspondence and later she wrote.

"From the very beginning he was very focused on my orgasm. The pressure meant I couldn't relax enough to feel aroused. I finally told him that I still enjoyed sex if I didn't orgasm, and that I was more bothered about him worrying about it. When we had sex a few days later, I was so much more relaxed that I came quite naturally - although not through penetration. It may seem simplistic, but for me, the secret to orgasms is not to seek them."

How to Move Forward Well here are some tips I recommend to help you in your quest for more satisfying sexual experiences.

-Understand what you want sexually. Think about the things that arouse you physically and also your fantasies and then write them down. The key is to remember that some of the most erotic and enjoyable sexual experiences don't necessarily mean sex ending in orgasm.

-Understand that you are entitled to ask for things you enjoy. Think about your feelings when it comes to asking for something just for you such as touching or oral sex. Then think about why you have trouble telling your partner what pleases you. Is it because you would feel greedy, maybe your partner will find it boring or be impatient or not understand? Whatever the case please write it down.

-Then start to talk. When you feel ready to start a conversation begin with the general subject of sex. A good place to begin maybe to tell a partner that you like them to stroke your skin slowly and sensually before sex and that if they climax and you don't it doesn't matter. It is hard I know but over time you can reach this level of openness. The tip is to take small steps to reach that point.

Once you have started to be more open about sex and your partner understands that you would like certain things in sexual experiences. We then reach the question on how to reach orgasm. There are a few ideas I would consider.

-Discover and learn about your body from masturbation and what you like and then slowly introduce them into sex then tell you partner who can then include that in sex play.

-It is fine to fantasize during sex and you do not have to share your thoughts with a partner.

-If you still feel that you have a major problem then please visit your doctor.

It is a difficult subject to approach but please be brave and if you are then a rewarding and fulfilling sex life waits. Find out about yourself sexually first by masturbation and experimentation. Then relate this information to your partner who can then use that knowledge to push the right buttons. Always remember to be relaxed and tell your partner that it doesn't matter if they climax and you don't. If you follow these tips then hopefully an orgasm will happen naturally.